I hope you can and that it won't upset Amber. I just need some private time with you. I am in love with you and I haven't been with you for over a month."I picked up my cell phone, "We can be sure it's OK with Amber with a text." I typed into the phone, 'Diane stopped by. Needy. Horny. Needs loving. OK? I love you. Jon.'The reply came quickly, 'Have fun. Don't forget Penny comes home at 3:30. Save something for me for later. XOXOX Amber.'I just nodded to Diane and led her into our bedroom where we could be comfortable on our big bed.An hour later Diane lay in the crook of my arm. I said, "I'm afraid we have to get dressed. My daughter gets home from school soon." I had filled Diane twice and cleaned her both times. Diane had more orgasms than I could count, and seemed to be a very happy camper.An hour after that and civilly dressed, Diane and I sat in the living room having a glass of wine. Penny was in the family room watching television, but she had politely come in from her school. She was just dead, and that’s what how he wanted to put it to everyone: “She is dead. She is just dead.” He wanted to close the subject quickly and honestly. If the subject stayed open, as well meaning acquaintances probed further, he’d feel an unreasonable anger began to well inside him. The script that ran through his mind was familiar: she was dead and he was angry about it, angry at her for leaving him, angry at God (if there was one) for the unfairness of it, angry at himself for taking her for granted when she was alive, angry at the doctors for being unable to do a damn thing, angry at his daughter because parenthood demanded so much of his time. All he wanted to do was to find a place alone and grieve. He knew his anger was misdirected. The therapists he had consulted all talked about the five stages of grief, in almost identical phrasing, as if they had been indoctrinated into a cult and were not allowed to deviate from the script. The five stages: denial, anger, something,.
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